Moms are Good...Lets Drink More Coffee.

I’ve been in my new house for a couple of weeks now, and am thiiiiiiiiis close to feeling as if I am almost, maybe, possibly but not quite , settled in. I am still ignoring a bunch of boxes in my garage (although their screams of protest are getting louder), I have a few boxes of books in the guest room…. and my office… well, lets just agree that my office will forever be in a constant state of evolving. That way I can be in denial without having to suffer the emotional consequences.
So after a few weeks in the new house I seem to have the perfect storm gathering. Unpacked boxes randomly hanging around, the mess of every day living gathering in strength and numbers, and my Mom coming for a visit in 5 days. …oh and of course my innate lazyness rearing it’s ugly head. If I were motivated to clean house and unpack do you really think I’d be blogging right now? Exactly.
My Mom is a 75 year old spit fire.

It would take 3 of me 5 days to do what she can get done in an afternoon. It’s embarrassing. I revert back to my 12 year old self who’s messy bedroom just got a thorough cleaning by the tornado called my Mom. When she decends like Moses from the mountain with a can of Pledge in one hand and a broom in the other I’m both grateful and ashamed at the same time.
As I sit here a furball the size of a Winnipeg Grey Squirrel just floated past my kitchen entry. Great….even the furballs are gathering to rebel against me. If they achieve unification, I’m screwed.
Better have another cup of coffee to help figure things out.
I just found my “to do” list and it frightened me. Organize office (ya, right), wash outside windows, unpack boxes in garage, move huge storage cabinet sitting in middle of dining room into garage…which means I must unpack garage boxes first….damn., move garden items into shed, scoop dog poop before even setting foot on grass to get said garden items moved, bathe the little poop machine named Gibson, paint end tables, organise closet in hall, move dresser into guest room closet, arrange guest room so guests will actually want to stay there, change ugly light fixtures, paint out ugly brick fireplace, mow lawn for last time this season, brush out Boone, the dog responsible for the furballs the size of your head, Vacuum and mop floors, clean bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, living room, dining room,…dust and polish. Hang art without putting 15 holes in the wall for each picture, install automated thermostats.
Sigh.

Better have another cup of coffee to get me motivated….or….wait a minute….yes….that’s it ! I could wait 5 days for my Mom to get here…suffer through her tisk-tisk looks of admonishment, and then let her take care of my bunked up messes. She can get all this crap done in 3 hours, as well as wash, dry and iron all my clothes and still have time to cook a turkey with all the trimmings.

I can live with the embarrassment and the shame.

I really can.

Damn I’m smart.

Better go make another pot of coffee to congratulate myself !

Deodorant Drives Me Crazy

The older I get more I crave a simple life. I find myself doing things that I never thought I would do...all in the quest to live a more pared down/less complicated life....excising complicated friends....de-cluttering my house, my life, my thinking and my approach to every day. It is not as easy to do as you think...uncomplicating your life is complicated. Take deodorant. You know... underarm deodorant. We use it every day. I have a huge struggle with deodorant...or should I say, I have a huge struggle with purchasing underarm deodorant. So imagine....here I am going through my paces, trying hard to have a simple uncomplicated day...and then...I swing into the store to pick up some deodorant...just plain old simple deodorant. Think I can find plain old simple deodorant? No. I turn the corner and land at the top of the deodorant isle. When did deodorant get its own isle?
Acca Kappa, Acqua Di Parma, Aigner, Alba, Alfred Dunhill, Alfred Sung, Alvera, Angel, Anna Sui, Annemarie Borlind, Anthony Logistics, Antonio Puig, Aquolina, Aramis, Arrid, Aubrey, Avalon Organics, Avon, AXE, Azzaro...and those, my friend, are just the "A"'s...as a matter of fact....I have actually counted the number of deodorant brands out there.....201. There are 201 different brands of deodorant. Now,the average brand will have about 30 different types of deodorant....24/7 Sweat Protection, Stain Free, Natural. Take Secret deodorant. It is the #1 woman's brand...not because it's good, but because it had over 30 different kinds of deodorant for you to pick from. and here they are: Light and Fresh, Clinical Strength, Powder Protection, Scent Expressions Platinum, Clear Gel Protection, Platinum Protection Soft Solid, Clinical Strength Deodorant Light & Fresh Scent, Secret Platinum Antiperspirant Clear Gel Southern Peach,Secret Invisible Solid Powder Fresh Scent, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant /Deodorant, Roll-On, Wild Jasmine, Clinical Strength Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant Sport Marathon Fresh Scent, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant Deodorant Crystal Clear Gel, Platinum Protection Soft Solid Antiperspirant & Deodorant, Spring.Fresh, Scent Expressions Platinum Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant, Clear Gel, Arctic Fresh, Scent Expressions Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant Deodorant, Bella Bloom, Scent Expressions Deodorant Coco Butter Kiss, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant Deodorant Crystal Clear Gel, Pretty N Peach, Scent Expressions Crystal Clear Gel Anti-Perspirant Deodorant, Ooh-La-La Lavender....aaaaargh...I give up. But I'll leave you with my personal favorite....Clinical Strength Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant Waterproof All-Day....I mean isn't antiperspirant supposed to be waterproof? For the record I do not want to smell like fresh rain mango sunrise...what does a mango sunrise smell like, anyway? Isn't the idea of deodorant to eliminate smells?
Well I have gone a few days "deodorant free" and so far have not offended anyone...that I know of. But today is the day. I am already mentally preparing myself for the trip to the drug store to buy my deodorant. In all honesty I am starting to get grumpy just thinking about the row upon row upon row of deodorants and antiperspirants I will have to wade through until I find a simple, uncomplicated deodorant. If you see me and I smell like lavender vanilla rainforest blast, you'll know I failed miserably.

TV is Good

I am a TV addict. I am also a creature of habit. I have a hard time finding time for new shows and, oddly enough, I seem to have the kiss of death once it comes to these new shows. Some recent shows I have absolutely loved and then lost....Reaper, The Black Donnelly's, Commander and Chief, Woman's Murder Club, Shark, Bionic Woman, The Unusuals, Journeyman, Dirty Sexy Money....and the one that broke my heart...Life on Mars.
So it is with a great deal of panic that I ask...no beg, you to find time to invest in these next 2 shows. "Mercy" makes me laugh, cry, and think. 3 shows into the season and I am already heavily invested in the characters. So flawed and human. Nothing glossy here...super gritty and caring at the same time....here is the show breakdown (cut and pasted from about.com) 'Mercy' Synopsis: Returning from a from a harrowing tour in Iraq, Nurse Veronica Callahan is returning to Mercy Hospital, where she quickly realizes that her medical knowledge greatly surpasses that of her colleagues and residents combined. Mercy follows the sometimes crazy lives, loves and losses of the staff at the acclaimed Mercy Hospital. Imagine Grey's Anatomy told through the eyes of the nursing staff -- oh the stories they could tell!
And The Good Wife....believe me when I say I am not a huge fan of actress Julianna Margulies, but this show is damn good.'The Good Wife' Synopsis: After being publicly humiliated by her husband's sexual and political scandal, Alicia Florrick tries to pick up the pieces of her shattered life by returning to her former career as a defense attorney. She lands a position as a junior associate at a prestigious Chicago law firm, but soon learns that she will have to battle with other 20-something recruits to land the one and only full-time associate position. Is there life after humiliation? Alicia Florrick is determined to get past her past and make it on her own.
So do a gal a favor, watch these shows before the mindless drones that program our TVs shove another All About Jim or Big Brother in our face...because I can guarantee you that if I like it, it'll be gone before Halloween. See above.

Letterman's Pain is Our Gain

October 08, 2009

What is it with this planet? Why is it so important for us to feed off celebrities? I get it. I really do understand that famous people are not like the rest of us. They make millions of dollars, they have people to cook for them, shop for them, solve their problems for them so that they can go through life trouble free and do what they do best....be a celebrity. They can beat up their girlfriends and not go to jail. They can kill someone while drunk and never see a day behind bars. They can act like total whack jobs and we still fork out our money to make them richer. These people are totally out to lunch. So totally coddled and protected they have very little idea of what the real world is all about ...this is an article from the Wall Street Journal...written back when Brittney, Nicole and Paris were on the loose. You remember that summer from hell......
Newsworthy or not? One only has to scan the magazine racks or turn on an "entertainment magazine" type program to get the low down on the most recent and most shameful celebrity misbehavior. Even mainstream news has taken to covering this topic. One wonders if some, if not most, of this behavior is by design: a planned, protracted, sure-fire bid for publicity. Or is it just another by-product of young people who have too much money, power, and time on their hands, yet lack the maturity and social judgment necessary to manage the trappings of their success?
Glamorization of excessive behavior. The hyping of a hard- partying lifestyle normalizes excessive alcohol and drug use, and implies that a trip to rehab is a normal part of life's routine, like getting one's hair or nails done. Violent and outrageous behavior is celebrated, verbal aggression towards photographers and other assorted lackeys is commonplace. Screaming and cursing is often the preferred way to show ones anger or displeasure.
What's the problem? Our girls are watching. And they are likely picking up on the social cues that tell them that outrageous behavior is a quick and easy way to get attention, to be seen as cool or exciting. The fact that these flagrant displays of misconduct are so frequently and prominently displayed adds to the glamour factor.
Role models. In addition, the depiction of the "diva" girl, whose interests are mainly shopping, partying, and snobbery, promote values and attitudes that conflict with what we are trying to teach our girls. Likewise, their shallow portrayal of "girlness" only serves to reinforce stereotypes that real girls battle every day. These celebrities, and the personae they symbolize, are powerful role models. They just aren't the kind we want for our girls.
So, back to Letterman. He confesses and makes light of the fact that he messed around on his wife....as far as I'm concerned the extortion is the smallest part of this equation. Think about it this way...if the person had not threatened blackmail, Letterman would not be confessing his infidelity...he would have gone through the rest of his life lying to his wife every time he looked at her. Then he turned the whole thing into a joke. And still...we tune in to see the damage. Letterman's highest ratings. Ever. We just rewarded an adulterer.

My Dogs Made Me Lie

I have a 12 year old Yorkie...his name is Gibson. Gibson is an odd fellow, and as he gets older, like most of us, he gets grumpier. Poor Gibson...about a year and half ago his best friend and life long pal, Cooper, went to the big dog house in the sky. Cooper was 6 when Gibson came into the house and it took me about a year before I realized that Gibson was Cooper's dog, not mine. That's the way it went for the next 10 years. Gibson only listened to Cooper...I was the person who supplied the food.

Well, not long after Cooper shed his mortal coil, a big black puppy landed in my lap. And just like big puppies are....Boone was and still is a big goof. A bull in a china shop. All legs, tongue and tail. No manners at all. Gibson, being a grumpy Yorkie, has been apoplectic over this latest addition to the family circle. To put it mildly he hates this puppy and everything the10 month old 65 pound puppy stands for. Gibson never learned to share and has never played well with others.
This morning something changed. I was getting ready to go to work....now why all the animals in my life choose to hang out in the bathroom with me every morning is beyond me, but this morning I heard a strange gurgle coming from one of the dogs...sort of a cross between a loud yawn and a gargle....I looked over and lo and behold, there's the grumpy Yorkie snorting and playing coy with Boone, who was all stretched out on the floor making the gurgling noises, pawing at Gibson and Gibson was actually smiling! SMILING!!! My crotchety old dog was enjoying, even initiating, play time with the big puppy. I didn't want to move. I've been waiting for this moment for 10 months and there is was in all its glory. And like some silly pet owner I held my breath and stood there afraid to move lest I break the magical spell that had been cast.
When I got in late for work I really wanted to explain why I was running late. The explanation laid on my tongue, but when my brain caught on to what I was about to say, it shut me down....instead I made some kind of lame excuse. It's easier to say I slept in that to try to explain that my furry kids were finally getting along and I didn't want to mess with the magic.