I have started another blog. This one is for my Dad.

http://dadsalzheimersdiary.blogspot.com/

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+China's Korean balancing act - Asia-Pacific - Al Jazeera English

It's such a crazy world. So many things going on at one time. How can this planet keep all the plates spinning so fast? I watched a TV show last night. It was called The Nostradamus Effect. It gave me bad dreams. The episode was quite disturbing...not because of it's content, I'm not a fan of mumbo-jumbo...but because it reminded me of just how fragile everything is. Nostradamus Effect — Episode Guide Episode Guide — History.com and just how much we are not in control of our environment.
When I look at what is going on with BP in the Gulf of Mexico, and when I realize that there are 27 or so recognized conflicts going on at this moment in time and then I read that the G20 and G8 summits that are going to be held in Canada this summer are costing over a billion dollars Demand made to probe costs for G8, G20 my head starts to spin.
I was lucky enough to stumble across a CBC News Now program called Power and Politics with Evan Solomon...one of the topics that caught my eye and then proceeded to kick me in the stomach was completely related to the insane cost of the Global Summits in relation to the Global crises of sustainable development. Ever since I watched that segment CBC - Videos - /News/Politics/ID=1505968718 I have been shell shocked. Please take a moment to watch the CBC segment and then watch the video below. Then get mad, get frustrated and then go hug the person you love.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

This is goodbye for my little guy.

This is it for my little Gibson I’m sorry to say. I have just booked his final Vet visit. Monday afternoon, May 10 at 3 pm I will be holding him for the last time.

Gibson and I have had rocky relationship. We are both head-strong and wilful and neither of us likes being told what to do….not a good combination. Especially when I’m supposed to be the human and he’s supposed to be the dog. For the first 2 years of his life I’m sure Gibson thought his name was "I'm Going To @$##ing Kill You" !! Many times it looked as if we were acting out a scene from the shoot-out at the O.K Corral….eyeballing one another from across the room, waiting to see who would shoot first. At times I’m sure you could hear the theme music from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly playing off in the distance as we stared one another down. Even if I won the show-down I would inevitably loose. Make no mistake about it…Gibson is a vengeful Yorkie. He would rather eat glass than concede. I may have won the battle but he would never let me win the war. Ever. A friend of mine once called Gibson a “quirky little fellow”. No truer words were ever spoken.

Who am I kidding? Gibson was never really mine anyway. He was Cooper’s dog. Cooper was this big beautiful Briard dog that I was lucky enough to have in my life for almost 17 years. Cooper was special. A one in a million dog. He was 6 years old when I got Gibson and instantly Gibson imprinted onto him. Wherever Cooper went, there was Gibson. I soon learned that if I wanted Gibson to come, first I had to call Cooper to me. Cooper would come instantly with Gibson trotting along after him. Cooper would sit Gibson would sit. Cooper would lie down Gibson would lie down. And that’s the way things went until a few years ago, just about this time, I had to put Cooper, the love of my life, down. He had a great life. He almost made it to 17 years and that’s pretty amazing. I was shattered and I still miss him very much. At the time I thought Gibson would miss him terribly too, but that was not the case. Gibson didn’t miss a beat. Moved right into top dog position and loved every minute of it. Cooper who? But it was like trying to get to know a stranger who’s been living under your roof. Take away the only thing Gibson and I had in common and, well, you have two creatures set in their ways. For the past 13 years my relationship with Gibson has been one of concession and resignation. I give Gibson a command and he immediately ignores it and does whatever the hell he wants. Rather than break a blood vessel getting him do be compliant I concede. Rather than try to teach a stubborn, wilful and selfish dog a new trick, I’m resigned to the fact that he has never and will never listen to what I say so I should just never ask anything of him in the first place. In return he lets me feed him and scoop up his poop. Everyone wins.

Having said that, my Gibson is sick. Liver problems. Probably a tumour. It’s an exercise in futility to try to keep him propped up. Maybe because I put Cooper to sleep 2 years ago that now it’s easier for me to see the humane reason behind accepting that Gibson has lived a full life and that it’s time to let him go, I’m not sure. I know that I will not let Gibson be operated on and I will not pump him full of steroids so that he can keep on existing.
I have to let him go. He’s shivering. He’s stopped eating. The exact same symptoms he suffered a month ago when he spent 3 days in the animal hospital. It took him a week to recover and I just can’t do it again. Not to him and not to me.
In some strange way Gibson has taught me how to get over myself…how to let go. There’s no way he would ever stoop to obey any command of mine…not even if it meant imminent death, so I should just let go. Out of habit I will tell him to sit or stay and out of habit he will do the opposite…..somehow we’ve become an old married couple. Even now as I call him to me for a cuddle the shivering, grumpy Yorkie looks at me and walks away. I smile.
For the next two days I will keep him close and keep him comfortable. I will tear up when I look at him and hold him closer and he will look at me with a doggy look akin to “what the f*ck is wrong with you?”.


I can’t figure out why I can’t finish this blog….maybe because I’m not ready to be finished with Gibson. There’s just so much more to say about this complex little dog. Oh sure he’s a selfish, grumpy, wilful, little shit…but, in all honesty, for the past 13 years he has been my selfish, grumpy, wilful, little shit….and I love him for it.

Nature SUCKS.

Yes I know all you granola crunchers will unfriend me after you read this…but right now, while I am in the middle of a squirrel war, I don’t care. Let me explain a bit about myself…I am not a nature girl. I will not go camping with you. I will not cook over an open fire. I will not wash camp dishes in cold soapy water. My idea of “roughing it” consists of calling down to room service and asking for extra cream. I am serious.
Don’t get me wrong…I like nature…from a distance. Nature is wonderful…when it’s not eating my furniture.
So far, since moving into my lovely river front property I have had to contend with 200 geese on my front yard. 200 geeses worth of geese poop…24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Mortifying. Last weekend I woke up to a couple of green headed Mallard Ducks trying to have their way with a little lady duck right on my deck …they were persistent and loud and relentless. Did I mention they were loud? And persistent? And loud? A canard threesome. Oh joy. These guys were shameless…not exactly the thing you want to see while drinking your first cup of morning coffee. Honestly. Get a room. And maybe a website.
Now I am in mortal combat with a squirrel. Little bugger. Earlier in the week I looked out on my wonderful property and I saw a little squirrel on my hammock …looking busy, and guilty. I stopped and looked a little closer…what is that little rodent doing? Is he…no…he can’t be…gasp…yes…yes HE IS. The little f*cker is peeling my hammock apart. Like the kids do with that string cheese stuff. My big huge rope hammock is being systematically disassembled by a 4 pound rat with a bushy tail. I. Will. Kill. Him. I went outside and the little coward took off up a tree. I shook my fist at him….he shook his fist at me…we both chattered at one another, and because I am at the top of the food chain I, naturally, won the fight. Lesson learned little fella…don’t mess with me, I have opposable thumbs. Smug in my own sense of self-importance I went back inside knowing I had conquered nature.
Unfortunately nature was not quite ready to go quietly into that good night. The new bain of my existence is now a squirrel the size of one of my Jimmy Choo shoes. He’s a smart one…only attacks at dusk, when he thinks I’m not looking. But I am on to him. I have positioned myself on the couch so I can watch TV and the hammock simultaneously. I have a bunch of pebbles ready to bean the little bugger with. Have no doubt, I will win. I laid in wait all week. At last my moment arrived…I caught him red handed… looking right at me while peeling my hammock apart. Taunting me. This was the moment I was going to show nature who was really in charge. I ran out, grabbed a handful of pebbles, ran toward my furry ememy to chase him away and immediately slipped on a swath of goose poop...landing right on my ass. I almost killed myself slipping on goose poop trying to get to him. The squirrel, already up a tree and out of my reach, pointed and laughed at me…the fornicating ducks quacked in ridicule and somewhere in the near distance 200 pooping geese gave each other a high-5. Nature sucks. It’s also very slippery.

Mmmmmmm....food.

One of the perks of working on the radio is that restaurants sometimes bring food by for us to try. Since we are up and at ‘em so early in the day food at 8:30 am is normal for us because it is equal to most people’s lunch hour. This morning we were blown away by a little Asian-Fusion restaurant called Champa Bistro. It has been a long long time since we’ve been blown away by simple appetizers….these little babies were a-maz-ing. If you are a Winnipegger take some time to check this place out. Ciao Magazine voted Champa Bistro one of the top 5 new restaurants of 2009…and they’ve only been open for 8 months !! It’s not often I feel compelled to push a restaurant on you…..but you will thank me. Try the Teriyaki Tacos.

I think, last night, I may have fooled around on Bette Davis……

I’m not sure where my love affair of old movies came from or even when it started. I know that, long before movies were rated, I was my Dad’s movie buddy. He took me to see just about every movie under the sun. Airport, Towering Inferno, The Godfather, True Grit, Marathon Man, All the President’s Men, Heaven Can Wait, A Bridge Too Far. All sorts of great 70’s films. I enjoy 70’s movies, lots of them, but my heart lies with Bette Davis and any movie that was made before 1960. These are movies that I always go back to. These are the movies that define a big part of who I am. Casablanca, To Kill a Mockingbird, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Red River, Maltese Falcon, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, On the Waterfront, The Bridge on the River Kwai, The Barefoot Contessa, Cool Hand Luke, Sunset Boulevard, Rear Window, Mrs. Miniver, Some Like It Hot, The African Queen, Rio Bravo, The Ladykillers, Night of the Iguana, The Dirty Dozen, Stalag 17, A Place in the Sun, Bonnie and Clyde, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Klute, Kelly’s Heroes, Dr. Zhivago, The Graduate, Lawrence of Arabia…oh and my absolute favourite of all time…All About Eve with the scene stealing Bette Davis. Simply the most fascinating female actor in the history of Hollywood film. I’ve watched lots of her movies. Of Human Bondage, Jezebel, The Little Foxes, but my favourite has to be Bette Davis’ role as Margo Channing, a highly regarded but aging Broadway star verbally sparring it out with a sneaky understudy who covets fame. This is a classic story of ambition and betrayal. Bette Davis is a force of nature in this film. But don’t take my word for it…take a look at these stats: All About Eve was nominated for 14 Academy Awards (a feat that was unmatched until Titanic). It won six Oscars, including Best Picture. All About Eve is still the only film in Oscar history to receive 4 female acting nominations. All About Eve was among the first 50 films to be selected for preservation in the United States National Film Registry. Like an old friend, All About Eve is always there for me. Rainy days, quiet Saturday nights, slow Sunday afternoons…whenever I have time to kill and I need a good friend I know I can always Margo Channing and William Wilder’s wonderfully directed All About Eve with a script to die for “We're a breed apart from the rest of humanity, we theatre folk. We are the original displaced personalities.” So. Good.
Anyway…I’ve loved Bette Davis and the legend of Bette Davis for as long as I can remember. Davis was the co-founder of the Hollywood Canteen, and was the first female president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences. She won the Academy Award for Best Actress twice, was the first person to accrue 10 Academy Award nominations for acting, and was the first woman to receive a Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Film Institute. She continued acting until shortly before her death from breast cancer, with more than 100 films, television and theatre roles to her credit. In 1999, Davis was placed second, after Katharine Hepburn, on the American Film Institute's list of the greatest female stars of all time. This woman lived life so fearlessly and with such passion and gusto, such an inspiration to me! She was not a beautiful woman, but she was a great actress. With quotes like these …“I'd marry again if I found a man who had fifteen million dollars, would sign over half to me, and guarantee that he'd be dead within a year.”…how could you not love her?
Yes I have a girl crush on a long dead Hollywood actress.
So I found myself getting giddy when I realized, half way through my Friday afternoon that I just may be able to squeeze in a date with Bette and Margo and Addison and Eve. Ooooh. My heart leapt a little at the idea that I would be able to cuddle up with the Porkie Yorkie and watch my favourite movie. All of a sudden I had purpose. All of a sudden my chores were easy. Yes. Tonight it’s me and All About Eve !!
Everything was done. It was the moment I had been working toward all day. Pot of tea and a glass of port on the coffee table. All that was missing was the movie. I went to my DVD collection, strolled through the titles looking for the one….and….well…. this is where things went wrong for me and Bette. Instead of All About Eve I chose Cabaret. Whaaaaa? This was not the plan. All day long I was waiting for one thing and then when it came to the crunch I caved and picked something else. What was going on with me? What would I tell Bette? Would she forgive me for ditching her at the last minute? The guilt was overwhelming. But then, it happened. Cabaret came on…the bass trombone started playing. Joel Grey, the Kit Kat Club master of ceremonies in Weimar Republic era Berlin, introduces Miss Sally Bowles……Liza Minnelli steps through the curtain and starts to sing “Mein Herr” . The Kit Kat dancers….ooooh…the Kit Kat dancers. Sigh. Bob Fosse was truly inspired. I am hooked. For the next 124 minutes I hang on every movement Liza Minnelli makes….every smile, every eyelash batting, every gesture when she sings. Every feeling that flashes in her eyes. It’s as if this was the last movie she was ever going to do and she wanted every second to be amazing. (Well she did win an Oscar for her role) The frenetic, fascinating, vulnerable, bohemian Sally Bowles with the big doe eyes and even bigger voice. I was in love. Then the movie was over and I had to come back down to reality. I had left Bette for Liza. Liza. Bohemian Liza. Liza with the teal blue finger nail polish. Liza. Belting out the tunes. Tender and tough Liza whose quotes just make the movie. Quotes like “I'm going to be a great film star ! That is, if booze and sex don't get me first.” and ”Oh God, how depressing! You're meant to think I'm an international woman of mystery. I'm working on it like mad.” I fell madly in love with Sally Bowles. Somehow I think that Bette wouldn’t mind me fooling with another woman. Especially a woman who’s not afraid to say “That's me, darling. Unusual places, unusual love affairs. I am a most strange and extraordinary person.” I think Bette would be proud.

25 Things About Me

I was a latecomer(is that a word?) to Facebook....since then many changes have happined to the site....lately I have been finding myself falling out of love with Facebook. Today I was strolling through all the tabs that have replaced the side bars that used to be on Facebook. I found a tab called "Notes" and I found this....It's called 25 Things About Me. Facebook may have changed 25 times since I wrote this little thing but, reading it back, it's nice to see I haven't changed one bit.

25 things about me

1. I grew up as an Air Force brat.....my sister went to 12 schools in 12 years. It totally screwed her up....but I loved moving around. Every time I move to a new city, I tell myself I'm NEVER going to move again...Ya, right. I've been saying that for 100 years.

2. I love windows. I love houses with lots of windows, I love log house windows....stained glass windows, round windows, long windows.....the first thing I notice is always the windows.

3. I was a track star. I ran the 60, 100 and 400 meter relay in high school and I was damn good. Funny thing is...I never trained. All the jocks hated the fact that I would show up the day of the meet and beat their ass......ha!

4. I love classical music. Bach's violin concertos is my uber uber favorite....I force people to appreciate classical music when they come over....Bach on a Bose stereo is insane.

5. I am a history freak. Seriously. I bore the hell out of everyone with my geek-like knowledge of french, italian, and english history. My favorite book is The Time Tables of History and the Histroy of the Kings and Queens of England....you're thrilled, I can tell.

6. I cry easily....but I'm trying to toughen up.

7. I am a classic movie addict. Bette Davis, John Wayne, Ava Gardner, Montgomery Clift, Lawrence Olivier....almost any movie made before 1960 is great....except if it is a foriegn film....which leads me to #8

8. Foriegn films....where do I start....Babettes Feast, Monsoon Wedding, Laagan, Tate Danielle, Jesus of Montreal, Jean deFlourette, Mannon of the Spring, Cinema Paradiso, El Postino....on and on and on.

9. I hate house cleaning. Period.

10. Mid-century modern architecture is fantastic.

11. I have a Lava Lamp and I love it.

12. I have 7 tattoos.....they keep getting bigger every time.

13. When I was little, my Dad threw me in the lake to teach me how to swim...I sank like a rock and had to be hauled out. I remember my Dad getting major sh*t from my Mom over that one. Since then the only time I go in the water is when I take a shower.

14. I would spend every day working in the garden if I could.

15. I won't change a baby's diaper, but I have no problem pulling something foriegn out of my dog's ass.

16. If I could sell my soul to Satan to live forever, I would. I love life....good stuff and bad...and I'm terrified of dying. My people and Satan's people are currently in negotiations.

17. I love to eat.....food, food, food......bring it on! I AM the buffet queen.

18. If I could live anywhere in the world I would want to live in Europe....eastern Italy or southern France. I hope to purchase property there in the next few years.

19. When I go visit my parents I sleep in the same bed I had when I was a child....and I love it. My mom makes me tea and I love it. My dad tells me to listen to my mom and I love it. My mom tells me not to stay out too late and I love it.

20. I have never married. Sometimes I wish I had....sometimes I'm glad I didn't.

21. My favorite treat is dipping Aero chocolate bars (the big ones....not those wimpy little ones) into a cup of tea....yum yum. I will eat that crap until I get sick.

22. The older I get, the simpler/ less complicated I think I am becoming. Politics mean less, the economy, global recession, war. I would rather be a good person with a good heart. I can't control the world, I can only control how I act while I am living on it. When I die I would like to have people say..."She was a good person" rather than "She sure was smart...." but I plan on living for ever....see #16

23. 4 years ago I went to Torquay, the south coast of England, and stalked Van Morrison. It was awesome. I ate Devonshire cream and scones during "Tea Time" every day and didn't care that one little bite had 3 hundred-thousand calories.

24. My parents are the two most important people in my life. I would walk across broken glass for them.

25. I hate cell phones and only carry one with me if I'm travelling....but even then I won't turn the cell phone on.

26....I'm serious about wanting to live forever.

Dog Poop Math or C'mon People Scoop Your Poop!!

What a beautiful weekend….crisp fall air, trees changing colors…perfect dog walking weather. I’m pretty lucky with my doggy path to the park…no busy roads and a nice big boulevard so I don’t have to worry about squirrels leading my dogs into the path of cars doing 65 clicks in residential areas. Along this path to the park my dogs may not have to worry about cars, but their mom has one big thing to worry about…well actually one big thing and lots of them.
We’re talking about poop. Dog Bombs. Puppy Nuggets.
I walked my dogs 4 times over the weekend. 3 times while walking to the park I slipped in dog poop. You know the indescribable feeling…you’re walking along and then….you do a bit of a slide…not a normal slide…but a squishy all knowing slide. Normally you can avoid these mishaps buy scanning the territory, but with all the leaves on the ground it is a dog poop war zone.
Let’s do some dog poop math shall we?
I have 2 dogs. I walk them around the same 10 block area twice a day. 2 dogs pooping twice a day, every day. 365 days a year.
2 dogs x 2 poops/day x 365 days = 1460 poops with-in a 10 block radius. 1460 poops or 146 poops per block !!!

Every person on my short block of 20 houses has a dog. They all walk their dogs within the same 10 block radius. 20 houses = 20 dogs x 2 walks per day x 365 days = 14,600…for those of you numerically challenged…that’s 14thousand 6 hundred poops in a 10 block area…or 1460 poops per block. DO YOU HEAR ME PEOPLE.... ONE-THOUSAND FOUR-HUNDRED AND SIXTY POOPS PER 1/20TH OF A MILE OR 264 FEET!!!

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. This information is from Environmental Protection Agency and U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention

Beyond your grass, it has been estimated that a single gram of dog waste can contain 23 million fecal coliform bacteria, which are known to cause cramps, diarrhea, intestinal illness, and serious kidney disorders in humans. EPA even estimates that two or three days’ worth of droppings from a population of about 100 dogs would contribute enough bacteria to temporarily close a bay, and all watershed areas within 20 miles of it.
Dog feces are one of the most common carriers of the following diseases:

Tapeworm is the single most common infection transmitted by discarded dog poop. An estimated 35% of the indoor animals that contract tapeworm are thought to get it from infected poop brought into the home on the shoes of humans who have stepped in it.
Roundworm is transmitted to humans through infected animal poop. It can cause rash, fever, and a loss of vision.
Cryptosporidium causes diarrhea in dogs, cats, and humans. It can go undetected two out of the three times it has been contracted. You might have just blamed Taco Bell.
Salmonellosis causes fever, vomiting, diarrhea and headaches with devastating results in the young and elderly -- by, once again, simply walking through infected poop.
Giardia can live outside of the host for vast periods of time, which is why it easily and successfully spreads via infected poop.
E. Coli can lead to severe bleeding and even permanent kidney damage.
Oh…and don’t forget heartworms, whipworms, hookworms, parvo, corona and campylobacteriosis

When infected dog poop is deposited on your lawn, the eggs of certain roundworms and other parasites can linger in your soil for years. Anyone who comes into contact with that soil—be it through gardening, playing sports, walking barefoot or any other means—runs the risk of coming into contact with those eggs; especially your dog.
Some of the hard-to-pronounce parasites your lawn could harbor include Cryptosporidium, Giardia, Salmonella, as well as hookworms, ringworms and tapeworms. Infections from these bugs often cause fever, muscle aches, headache, vomiting, and diarrhea in humans.

Children are most susceptible, since they often play in the dirt and put things in their mouths or eyes.

When you leave poop on the sidewalk, it's eventually swept into the sewers -- not the same sewers through which human poop travels, but the storm sewers, which often discharge directly into the waterways without any treatment. Thus poop degrades water quality, leading to cloudiness and an increase of algae. (If you have an aquarium, you know this to be true.) Pet poop has been considered responsible for almost one fourth of the fecal contamination of the waterways -- those very same waterways from which you get your drinking water.
You throw a ball, you pick up a stick, your kid goes barefoot…even the simple task of walking your dog…..
I hate math…but I really hate Dog Poop math

Moms are Good...Lets Drink More Coffee.

I’ve been in my new house for a couple of weeks now, and am thiiiiiiiiis close to feeling as if I am almost, maybe, possibly but not quite , settled in. I am still ignoring a bunch of boxes in my garage (although their screams of protest are getting louder), I have a few boxes of books in the guest room…. and my office… well, lets just agree that my office will forever be in a constant state of evolving. That way I can be in denial without having to suffer the emotional consequences.
So after a few weeks in the new house I seem to have the perfect storm gathering. Unpacked boxes randomly hanging around, the mess of every day living gathering in strength and numbers, and my Mom coming for a visit in 5 days. …oh and of course my innate lazyness rearing it’s ugly head. If I were motivated to clean house and unpack do you really think I’d be blogging right now? Exactly.
My Mom is a 75 year old spit fire.

It would take 3 of me 5 days to do what she can get done in an afternoon. It’s embarrassing. I revert back to my 12 year old self who’s messy bedroom just got a thorough cleaning by the tornado called my Mom. When she decends like Moses from the mountain with a can of Pledge in one hand and a broom in the other I’m both grateful and ashamed at the same time.
As I sit here a furball the size of a Winnipeg Grey Squirrel just floated past my kitchen entry. Great….even the furballs are gathering to rebel against me. If they achieve unification, I’m screwed.
Better have another cup of coffee to help figure things out.
I just found my “to do” list and it frightened me. Organize office (ya, right), wash outside windows, unpack boxes in garage, move huge storage cabinet sitting in middle of dining room into garage…which means I must unpack garage boxes first….damn., move garden items into shed, scoop dog poop before even setting foot on grass to get said garden items moved, bathe the little poop machine named Gibson, paint end tables, organise closet in hall, move dresser into guest room closet, arrange guest room so guests will actually want to stay there, change ugly light fixtures, paint out ugly brick fireplace, mow lawn for last time this season, brush out Boone, the dog responsible for the furballs the size of your head, Vacuum and mop floors, clean bathroom, kitchen, bedroom, living room, dining room,…dust and polish. Hang art without putting 15 holes in the wall for each picture, install automated thermostats.
Sigh.

Better have another cup of coffee to get me motivated….or….wait a minute….yes….that’s it ! I could wait 5 days for my Mom to get here…suffer through her tisk-tisk looks of admonishment, and then let her take care of my bunked up messes. She can get all this crap done in 3 hours, as well as wash, dry and iron all my clothes and still have time to cook a turkey with all the trimmings.

I can live with the embarrassment and the shame.

I really can.

Damn I’m smart.

Better go make another pot of coffee to congratulate myself !

Deodorant Drives Me Crazy

The older I get more I crave a simple life. I find myself doing things that I never thought I would do...all in the quest to live a more pared down/less complicated life....excising complicated friends....de-cluttering my house, my life, my thinking and my approach to every day. It is not as easy to do as you think...uncomplicating your life is complicated. Take deodorant. You know... underarm deodorant. We use it every day. I have a huge struggle with deodorant...or should I say, I have a huge struggle with purchasing underarm deodorant. So imagine....here I am going through my paces, trying hard to have a simple uncomplicated day...and then...I swing into the store to pick up some deodorant...just plain old simple deodorant. Think I can find plain old simple deodorant? No. I turn the corner and land at the top of the deodorant isle. When did deodorant get its own isle?
Acca Kappa, Acqua Di Parma, Aigner, Alba, Alfred Dunhill, Alfred Sung, Alvera, Angel, Anna Sui, Annemarie Borlind, Anthony Logistics, Antonio Puig, Aquolina, Aramis, Arrid, Aubrey, Avalon Organics, Avon, AXE, Azzaro...and those, my friend, are just the "A"'s...as a matter of fact....I have actually counted the number of deodorant brands out there.....201. There are 201 different brands of deodorant. Now,the average brand will have about 30 different types of deodorant....24/7 Sweat Protection, Stain Free, Natural. Take Secret deodorant. It is the #1 woman's brand...not because it's good, but because it had over 30 different kinds of deodorant for you to pick from. and here they are: Light and Fresh, Clinical Strength, Powder Protection, Scent Expressions Platinum, Clear Gel Protection, Platinum Protection Soft Solid, Clinical Strength Deodorant Light & Fresh Scent, Secret Platinum Antiperspirant Clear Gel Southern Peach,Secret Invisible Solid Powder Fresh Scent, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant /Deodorant, Roll-On, Wild Jasmine, Clinical Strength Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant Sport Marathon Fresh Scent, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant Deodorant Crystal Clear Gel, Platinum Protection Soft Solid Antiperspirant & Deodorant, Spring.Fresh, Scent Expressions Platinum Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant, Clear Gel, Arctic Fresh, Scent Expressions Invisible Solid Anti-Perspirant Deodorant, Bella Bloom, Scent Expressions Deodorant Coco Butter Kiss, Scent Expressions Anti-Perspirant Deodorant Crystal Clear Gel, Pretty N Peach, Scent Expressions Crystal Clear Gel Anti-Perspirant Deodorant, Ooh-La-La Lavender....aaaaargh...I give up. But I'll leave you with my personal favorite....Clinical Strength Anti-Perspirant/Deodorant Waterproof All-Day....I mean isn't antiperspirant supposed to be waterproof? For the record I do not want to smell like fresh rain mango sunrise...what does a mango sunrise smell like, anyway? Isn't the idea of deodorant to eliminate smells?
Well I have gone a few days "deodorant free" and so far have not offended anyone...that I know of. But today is the day. I am already mentally preparing myself for the trip to the drug store to buy my deodorant. In all honesty I am starting to get grumpy just thinking about the row upon row upon row of deodorants and antiperspirants I will have to wade through until I find a simple, uncomplicated deodorant. If you see me and I smell like lavender vanilla rainforest blast, you'll know I failed miserably.